Friday, June 5, 2009 :
05/06/09.
Have you ever imagine if you moved on with no one by yourside.no family members by you to hold you and show their last love for you when you take your last breath?
my father has always been the one that i looked up to.putting aside his bad past and the mistakes he had done,i always respected him as someone who is very caring,supportive and loving.fond memories of him i will treasure in the deepest of my heart and will never forget the moments i spend with him.i still can remember how he brought the whole family to ecp for picnic and the day when i got my first sun tan.the day when he told me its time i learn to tie my own shoelaces.the day when he told me its time i grow up and take buses on my own.he told me to take a bus to tiong bahru and buy tamiya cars on my own.he would bring me to toyrus to buy my favourite lego sets.buy me football jerseys.the day he was by myside in my deepest fear of operation.i still remember when he shouted from right outside our flat to the playground asking me to go home when its sundown.i missed the way he will cook sambal sotong on weekends as he knows its my favourite.and the love he shown me from day to night.now all that is left is memories of him within me.
on an innocent friday morning,a call from CGH saying my dad is in critical condition and asked me to come down to see him.the uneasiness inside me overwhelmed my emotions,i cried.i know something's not right,from the moment my sister woke me up there mus be something wrong with dad.it was difficult holding my tears back.entered ANE with teary eyes as the doctor confirmed it.the whole world came crashing down on me.right into my face,i was slapped with reality,dad's gone.i went to look at dad for the last time before i stood at the corner tearing as i watch brothers and sister to my dad came.they told me to be strong,but no one told me that i need to be stronger than this.as the clock tick,my eyes went dry.i forced myself to accept the fact,hes gone. life is so unpredictable.
sometime i wonder why when we are trying to make life better,this have to happen.i guess its part and parcel of life.and dad time has come.i will try my best to hold my tears tomorrow.im sorry,im not there by yourside when you breathe for the last time.im sorry for the times when i troubled you or if im very demanding.im sorry cause i wasnt there.i will swallow this bitter gum and move on with my life.thank you dad,thank you for everything you had given me till now.i knew you try your best to make up for your mistakes and try to turn the tide.i had forgiven you for your past mistakes.i guess there wont be anymore phone calls from you.goodbye dad.
p/s:i just have to pour my heart here.
to all of you,treasure your loved ones,before they are gone.
heartfelt at 10:05 PM
Capture the moments;
when its gone.
